Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Babies on the brain

I love babies. Love. them. Maybe it's because my mom is a baby magnet and ran a daycare when I was little. Maybe it's from being the oldest of four kids and eleven cousins. Maybe it's from working with them when I was running play therapy. Maybe it's because they are so freaking cute and I can't wait to be a mom. Probably it's my ovaries.

Which are screaming at me.

It doesn't help that on Friday I went with Jeff when he was getting a haircut so I could visit with our hairdresser Nicole's four-month-old daughter who is perfect and beautiful. Or that on Saturday I went to a baby shower, prior to which I crocheted a baby hat, sewed a baby blanket, went shopping for pacifiers and other random baby stuff, and browsed Barnes and Noble's baby section for book. (The last of which left me in a tearful, hormonal mess).

My dad (creepily) told my mom that since I am not working, it is the perfect time for me to have a baby. While I wish this were the case, and I certainly have the time, we just don't have the money or space for a tiny baby S right now.

Not to mention that we've only been married for 8 months, and I want to enjoy being a newlywed. It's a little more difficult than you'd think, since hubby works nights.

Here's a not-so-secret: I am terrified. Not terrified in the normal, never-been-a-mom-before way. Terrified because I am already 27.

I don't want to be an "old mom." I want to have enough energy to chase around several kids and play with them and to not have too much of a generation gap between my children and me. I am grateful that I had young parents. My mom and dad were 22 and 23, respectively, when they had me. They had all 4 of their children by ages 29 and 30.

Even more scary, I want to be able to have children. I know so many young, healthy women in their 20's who are having difficulty conceiving and that scared me so, so much. What if I try to have kids, and can't?

Yikes, it is so unhealthy to think of the what-ifs. I know I will be a great mom, given the chance. For now, I will have to be content with borrowing my friends' kids (I'm talking about you, little Lilita, whenever you are born!), and playing mommy to our kitten.

Does anyone need a baby sitter?


joeandbridge said...

Coming from Tag Your it! 1st Time for me!

Diana - Teacher Mom said...

Babies are the best! I almost want a third...

Tag, you're it!

Kristi said...

27 is not old! - I had my first at 26, 2nd at 28 and 3rd at.... 38. And I feel I am a better mom this time around - age definitely gives you a different perspective. And since you are still a newlywed - definitely enjoy it!

Tag - you're it!

February 23, 2010 11:20 PM

One Southern Girl said...

Stopping by from Friday Follow to say Hi!

Hannah @ HappilySouthern

The Bookworm said...

I totally understand this. Except I haven't gotten to the newlywed part yet. Stupid biological clock crap.

Anonymous said...

Stopping by via Tag, you're it! Following your blog...

I have 3 kids and STILL have baby fever, I think I always will. :)

Erin said...

be careful of screaming ovaries... they can cause mental impairments that cause you to think "oh we're being (mostly) careful" when actually you really aren't at all and then suddenly ...BABY!!

I had/have the same fear of being an older mom since my mom had most of her kids by my age...

Your childhood baby pictures are adorable by the way. :)

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