Babies on the brain

I love babies. Love. them. Maybe it's because my mom is a baby magnet and ran a daycare when I was little. Maybe it's from being the oldest of four kids and eleven cousins. Maybe it's from working with them when I was running play therapy. Maybe it's because they are so freaking cute and I can't wait to be a mom. Probably it's my ovaries.

Which are screaming at me.

It doesn't help that on Friday I went with Jeff when he was getting a haircut so I could visit with our hairdresser Nicole's four-month-old daughter who is perfect and beautiful. Or that on Saturday I went to a baby shower, prior to which I crocheted a baby hat, sewed a baby blanket, went shopping for pacifiers and other random baby stuff, and browsed Barnes and Noble's baby section for book. (The last of which left me in a tearful, hormonal mess).

My dad (creepily) told my mom that since I am not working, it is the perfect time for me to have a baby. While I wish this were the case, and I certainly have the time, we just don't have the money or space for a tiny baby S right now.

Not to mention that we've only been married for 8 months, and I want to enjoy being a newlywed. It's a little more difficult than you'd think, since hubby works nights.

Here's a not-so-secret: I am terrified. Not terrified in the normal, never-been-a-mom-before way. Terrified because I am already 27.

I don't want to be an "old mom." I want to have enough energy to chase around several kids and play with them and to not have too much of a generation gap between my children and me. I am grateful that I had young parents. My mom and dad were 22 and 23, respectively, when they had me. They had all 4 of their children by ages 29 and 30.




Even more scary, I want to be able to have children. I know so many young, healthy women in their 20's who are having difficulty conceiving and that scared me so, so much. What if I try to have kids, and can't?

Yikes, it is so unhealthy to think of the what-ifs. I know I will be a great mom, given the chance. For now, I will have to be content with borrowing my friends' kids (I'm talking about you, little Lilita, whenever you are born!), and playing mommy to our kitten.

Does anyone need a baby sitter?

Why I Want to Move Back in with my Parents

Ahhh. The Shed. In our little twin house growing up, the little room behind the kitchen was referred to as, "The Shed." It was always unheated and un-air-conditioned, and at one time had a non-working window. It went from storage room, to play room filled with kitchen sets and Barbie houses, to storage room, to scary-in-between kitchen and backyard, to don't go-in;it except to clean the cat litter. At the end of its former life, the Shed had barely locking doors, asticking (but really cool)pocket window, useless space, and most importantly, a leaky, nasty, mold-inducing roof with bare sheet rock matching moldy walls. Ick.

I only wish I had "Before" pics, but be glad, as it will protect your eyes.

Fast forward to 2 years ago, when my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer. She had always wanted a place to sew in out little house, and when she got sick, my dad, my sister Tina's (ex) boyfriend Ronnie, and my sister Tina's (current/long term) boyfriend Jacob made a sanctuary for her. She took the following pictures on her cell phone.

I have spent the last few days in there working on a to-be-revealed project with my mom, and such a nice space makes me want to move back in with my parents. It was way fun and the room is so cozy and relaxing, with plenty of craft storage. It would make a nice bedroom for me, I think...






The #2 reason I want to move back in with my parents is that my dad would always clean the snow off of my car before he went to work so that I would wake up to a clean, snow-and-ice-free car. The #3 reason is that my dad would sneak into the girls' room in the morning to turn on a space heater so my sisters and I would be toasty-warm when we woke up for school. : )

A Christmas party at a college hangout when you're too close to 30

The other night my sister-in-law Gloria and I went out for dinner and some holiday, sisterly fun. There was an Ugly Christmas Sweater contest at the bar/restaurant Jeff and I used to eat at all the time in college, and I was dying to go (and in need of the prize money).

First objective: Where to find Christmas sweaters without having to buy them
Our dear mother-in-law is a teacher and wears a different Christmas sweater to work every day from December 1 through January 6. She's always encouraged us to borrow anything we need from her, so I asked to see her vast collection of knitted holiday goodness. She began showing me her newer, cuter stuff, but I told her I needed her oldest, most interesting sweaters. Done. I left with a fuzzy pom-pommed number for myself and one with demonic-looking teddy bear soldiers for Gloria that belonged to our great-aunt's 97-year-old friend. Awesome.

Second objective: Food, of course.
We met up at my apartment and proceeded to Landmark. We got there at around 9pm. Of course, I had called ahead to see when the best time to arrive for the contest was, and was told 9pm. No problem. They charged cover, which makes me mad when all I want is a cheeseburger and fries. We were seated in the waaaaay back, where they stash the old people. Behind the wall. So the young college kids can't be frightened by the sight of us.

Dinner was yummy and fun. It was interrupted by a former patient who spotted me and came over to say hello, and some fans of our awesome sweaters.



Third objective: Survive the bar.

Around the time that my food arrived, I realized it would be an ordeal not to choke to death in the fuzzy sweater. I rolled up the sleeves and resigned myself to the fact that I might choke up a hairball later. It is also around this time that I was itching beyond all reason and sweating.

After dinner, we asked the waitress when judging would be for the sweaters. she said around 11 pm. No problem. We can do this. I of course have no job to go to in the morning, but Gloria did. Did I mention this was a Thursday night?

We leave the table to walk around and intimidate the competition. There were some seriously lame Christmas sweaters. Only two guys came close to our magnificent outfits.




Meanwhile, I am still itchy and overheating. I can't even get a drink because believe it or not, nobody wants to serve a girl in a fuzzy sweater. Water. I need Water! We're tired. It's late. We're dying. And Itchy!

At this point, it's 11:15. where is the contest? We keep asking. Then the DJ announced that "Voting will take place in the Spot at 1am."

What??? I leave it up to Gloria because she has a long commute in the morning. she's a trooper and wants to stick it out. "We've made it this far!"

We proceed to nurse our drinks that we finally got and laugh at all the little girls who dressed up to go out. Not dressed up for the contest, but dressed up like... I don't even know what. Lots of them were wearing little tank tops. I was overheating in my Polyester, but it was freezing outside that night. Some of them were wearing long-ish shirts with no tights or pants. Odd.

Third objective: Survive the Spot.

The Spot is a silly, tiny "club" attached to the Landmark restaurant. When it first opened it was an abysmal failure because nobody at college was interested at all. They closed it, made some changes (added a "VIP" section, LMAO), and reopened it. I guess the kids liked it, because it's more popular now, I think because it's the only place to dance since the college knocked down all the frat houses.

After people-watching for way too long, we reluctantly go to the Spot to see where voting is. It's a dense, gyrating, hormonal, loud, 90's rap blur. We squeeeeeeze our way through the crowd to the back. Whew. We ask Giant Bouncer Man where we need to be for the contest. He grunts back that he doesn't know and tells us to ask the DJ.

At this point, I think my core temperature is about a million degrees. Game face. We're here to win! We squeeeeeze our way through again, but not before I get stopped by someone who wants to dance. I give him the, "Sorry, no thanks," shake of the head and flash the wedding rings. Did someone seriously just hit on me in this sweater?!

We make it back by the DJ. He has no clue what's going on. I see the VIP section (LMAO), and some glorious space and seating, so we camp out there.

Objective four: Stay awake.

Hilarity ensues. There is one of those dance-floor/stage thingies where girls can dance. we're sitting right behind it, front row seats. Still more girls scantily clad. One girl has a homemade "bling" necklace which is, not exaggerating, a foot wide and six inches tall. It read, "Mill St." I guess it's a really neat place to be. Another girl was wearing a lace black shirt with black panties and a black bra. That's it. Another was seriously checking herself out in the mirrors on the dance floor and taking pictures of herself for a good 20 minutes.

I am so tired at this point. I feel bad for Gloria, but she seems to not hate me yet. Watching the kids is keeping us awake. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a kid drinking champagne, complete with bucket of ice. I mentioned to him that I have never seen anyone drink champagne at Landmark before. Next thing I know, he sends over a glass, complete with head nod. Awesome.





It's finally 1 am! We line up with other sweater (sweating) people. There are some lame ones, and I feel really confident. After all, I was born to be on stage. I really think it's going to be between me, Gloria, and these two guys in granny sweaters. (One had doilies!) Gloria gets eliminated immediately because her sweater was too "cute and festive." huh? I last a little longer, but ultimately we lose to some guy in a plaid suit, which is annoying because it was not a Christmas Sweater!

We got hosed, but the memories last forever. : P

Mixed Blessings

I lost my job last week. It is a really crappy situation, and I am scared about the future and how we're going to make ends meet. Jeff has been wonderfully supportive. I know that in order to get through this, I have to remain positive. Here are a few good things that have happened in the last six, jobless days:


~ My job environment had become really stressful. I know being unemployed is stressful and that I haven't gotten to the hard part of it yet, but things at work were starting to become unsafe for staff and patients.

~ I have spent a lot of time with my husband. Jeff and I have been able to see each other, have dates, and even have three home-cooked dinners in a row together! Unheard of.

~ I have gotten to hang out with friends and family! Like seeing my husband, my weird work schedule had been keeping me away from my friends to the point were I had forgotten how much I loved them. I've had dinner and laughs with college friends, I've gone bridesmaid dress shopping with friends/family, and I have had long-overdue phone chats with my best friend Alyssa. Alyssa lives in Vermont and I had become so busy and stressed/depressed with work that I had really lost tough with her, which felt totally crappy. I even have plans for a Thursday night out with my sister-in-law! Unheard of in my previous world.

~I'm catching up on cleaning. I even started to go through stuff at my parents' house. I found old pictures (which again made me appreciate my friends and family), got together a huge bag of clothing to donate, and got the Christmas decorations up (with Jeff's help, of course!)

~ I've been able to reconnect with myself. I have gotten involved in many old hobbies, and I am having fun. As soon as I finish a project, I'll post about it.

~ I am truly enjoying the holidays. With little money but lots of heart, I am trying to make my first Christmas as Jeff's wife memorable, for him and for the whole family. I am so sentimental. I hope everyone enjoys what I have been working on.

I am sure that when I run out of money and am unable to keep busy (even I can only re-alphabetize our DVDs so many times), the stress of being unemployed and looking for a job will hit me. Hard. Until then, I can't help but count my blessings.


Thanks for all of your support, friends. Oh, and if anyone has job leads, please send them my way.

We never know what tomorrow will bring

My best friend sent this to me a few years ago, and I thought it was beautiful and worth posting... I'd like to extend the thought to all of my friends/fellow bloggers.

hi!

i'm sending this e-mail to a lot of people. some of you i haven't spoken to in a very long time, while others i've managed to keep close. but i have something that i really need to express. it's taken me a little bit to put all my thoughts together, but it's important. so here it is

last weekend, bobby & i had to attend a memorial service for a friend of his, matt boattini. bobby grew up as friends with matt & his older brother, chris (who is bobby's age). they met through lacrosse, and found a lot in common. for example, both of their mothers were rasing 2 boys alone, and the boys were very close in age to each other. mrs. boattini (theresa) & bobby's mom (diana) got to be very good friends, and the two families became almost like one for many years

of course, we all know what happens when childhood friends go to college - we lose touch, but not love. the coles & the boattinis grew physically apart, but kept in touch. than that started happening less and less as well, but the love was always there. bobby & all of his friends (he has a lot) stayed in touch through a sort of network - and still do. this one is closer to that one, and they talk more. then this one talks to that one, who talks to someone else more, and news of friends gets passed around that way

but anyway, matt's story is like this... he had a hard time with college at first, being more attracted by the pary scene, and was eventually kicked out. he struggled with goals & directions for a while, and made his way out to california, where he started "hippie school" (they teased him about it - it was actually an agricultural school). he graduated (!!!) and got a job on an organic farm in hawaii (not bad for a hippie)

the first weekend of february (almost 2 weeks ago), matt went with a bunch of his friends from the farm on a hike to a waterfall. along the way, matt was being his usual goofy self. apparently, he touched a rock in such a way that it caused it to dislodge. matt was pinned there, and all of his friends had to run for help (apparently hawaiian hippies don't carry cell phones). they got back 40 minutes later to find matt barely conscious. he was dead before they got to the hospital

matt died in paradise, doing what matt loved, being in nature. if anyone had asked him if he could live to be 80 in new jersey, or die at 25 on a hike in hawaii, he would have chosen hawaii

when bobby found out, he was, obviously, tore up. he said that around christmas time, he was looking through his e-mail address book and saw matt's e-mail. he wasn't sure if matt was still using that address, and thought about sending a msg. to test it out. needless to say, he didn't send the e-mail. it was really hard to go through that realization with him. i think it finalized it in his mind

we never know what tomorrow will bring, if it will come at all. i'm taking this oportunity to send out that msg. to friends who have been close over the years, from whom i have drifted, but who mean so much to me still, or are still very close to me. i'm sorry if i don't get to write as often as i think about you all. we made a connection somewhere along our travels, and i still feel it. why is it so difficult to stay in touch with people? is it because the ones that we care about most are the ones who will understand & forvgive? or is it just that life is too fast-paced? how long can there be no words from friends before you stop counting them as friends? i want to reach out now, to let you all know that i still care, i'm still here, thinking about you, wondering what life has given you since we last spoke/wrote. and if i don't have to wonder, i'm wirting to let you know how important you & your friendship is to me

so if you're going through your address book one day, and you come across my e-mail address, try it out, write to me. even if you just say "hi." i'll write back, and i'll do it a lot sooner than i used to. never pass up that oportunity. someone may be thrilled to hear from you again

namaste

love, a

Today, I channeled my mother-in-law.

My mother-in-law can make a meal out of everything and never lets anything go to waste. While I don't think I can aspire to do half of the things she does in a kitchen, I channeled her today.

I am home sick from work and feeling like crap, so I went a-searching through our cupboards for chicken noodle soup. I looked and looked, and then remembered that I married an Italian who scoffs at the mere mention of canned goods and would have a stroke if he saw any in the apartment. Sigh. I assessed my situation. I noticed in the refrigerator two blocks of cream cheese whose "sell-by" date was today (eeek! I live and die by these dates, my MIL lets them slide...and slide), a half an onion left over from the Penne a la Betsy mentioned below, and fresh parsley.

Single Stacy would have shrugged and made buttered noodles (I am still allowed to have boxed pasta, but only Barilla). Married Stacy snuck out to Shop-Rite (observing universal precautions so as not to get others sick). I built my list from my soon-to-expire ingredients and got the makings of cream cheese chili dip and mostly-home made chicken noodle soup.

If you have never had cream cheese chili dip, go to the store, get the ingredients and make it now. You need 1 block of cream cheese, 1 15-oz can of chili, an 8 oz (1 bag) of shredded cheddar cheese, and tortilla chips. Spread the cream cheese out evenly in a small casserole dish. Spread the chili out over top. likewise with the cheese. bake at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes. Dip. Send me gifts, because this is oh-so-good. Perfect for football season. Well, I don't watch football, but I am assuming it is perfect for football parties. i will rephrase: Perfect for hockey season.

I have never made chicken noodle soup before, but how hard can it be? I will let you know later...

Two Wedding-Related Events and a Baby

This weekend was a lot of fun! On Friday, I visited my mom as usual to do laundry (since our apartment's dryer is lame). I ran a lot of errands, but afterward, we did some serious crafting.

On Saturday, Jeff & I visited the Haddonfield craft fair, which was fun. I didn't get anything because it was a lot of the same vendors as the Manayunk Arts Festival that I go to every year, but it was nice to look around. Then, we went with Jeff's brother Steve and his fiancee Gloria to North Jersey for our cousin Katie's engagement party. It was fun to have the family all together, and it was great seeing Katie so happy!

Sunday was Gloria's bridal shower in Pennsylvania. I have never seen Steve so nervous, but he did a great job with arranging the surprise! Again, it was fun to have family around, especially Katie and Aunt Pam, who we don't see often enough.

Today was a regular icky Monday but with one highlight: My coworker Nicole brought in her tiny, one month old baby! Holy Hormones, was he adorable! It rounded off the wedding-related weekend quite nicely. Two years or so and I get to have one of those little guys!

Good mommy news!

My mom had her check-up yesterday, and everything was free and clear! This is always such a relief to hear, a huge weight lifted off of our collective shoulders.

I will concentrate my good-health vibes to my friend Kelly, who is currently in treatment.

Lots of love to both Mom and Kelly for being strong women.